"Fake it 'til You Make it" Wait a minute! Isn't this being fake? Who wants someone who's fakey? Like many tools, roleplay can be used in a good way, and in not-so-good ways.
There is so much hiding behind a mask in this society. Especially with some members of my family, I cannot be who I really am without making them angry. It gets tiresome. Twice in my life, at times of incredible stress, I have been told, "Being around you is like walking on eggs." (Yes, I have a temper under stress, like all of us. Luckily, I have a part of me that does not justify this, and yes, does feel guilty about it and I have been working on changing how I express anger, sooner when the stress isn't as bad.)Interestingly, the two people who told me that were the same two people who were stepping on my toes and refusing to listen to me when I told them, "Please don't do that." They were trying with their eggshell comment to invoke my guilt, so that they would not have to admit theirs. One of those persons is now out of my life. The other one I have invited back in. It is getting better, but only because I am not allowing my buttons to be pushed when the person tries. Nothing like a bout of serious illness to force you to get rid of the stress in your life, and start properly prioritizing--at least if you have some grasp of reality.
There are two types of masks one can wear--one to experience another character, feel their feelings, perhaps use their strength to give you strength when you can't find it within yourself. The second is one to give an impression you are someone whom you really are not. Have you noticed that actors who really enjoy being parents somehow wind up in roles as parents? And then there are the Angelina Jolies of the world: "I have adopted these children because I am a loving mother", but the roles she most likes to play are hard-nosed, macha females who kill people. Mother Theresa, she is not.
Before I experienced the change in my thought process back in 2002, I would give these people the benefit of the doubt. Now I call them as I see them--at least in my mind. Last night I was watching "48 Hours", a poor woman whose husband had attacked her and she had defended herself with a chopping knife, killing him. I was believing her until it came out that she had taken over her husband's office; his assets were all in her name; and, after many years of plying his trade in a professional manner, he had, since marrying her, taken chances and changed his trade to a similar one which made more money. He was in trouble with the authorities, the marriage was in trouble, and in two weeks, his life insurance policy was due to run out. OOPS! She was a good actor, but it became very evident who was the sociopath in the pair. The jury saw it my way--you should have seen the roleplaying: first the angry, wrongly judged innocent wife, then the crying and wailing innocent wife. The real kicker was when her comment was not wonder at how she could be where she is, but rather the self-absorbed observation that "I don't think I'll do well in prison." Well, as she deserves, she'll have a long time to figure it out.
To get back to the proper types of roleplay. We doctors use roleplay all the time--I, as a doctor, am supposed to be the all caring person who is here for your every complaint. Right--I am a human being with stresses and who has a very real slump in the day about 3:00PM, as most of us do. You use it with your friends--Your mind is telling you, "NOT that story AGAIN!", and you still laugh because you know that it is a favorite of this friend--and by God, the first ten times you heard it, it was funny. So you reach into the memory banks, and pull out who you were then, and the laugh sounds genuine. I use this example because I am notorious for retelling stories, and I do see it in their eyes. I love them all the more for that roleplay. One day there comes a time when you and your friend are close enough, and you are rested and unstressed, and somehow it comes out in a loving way that you have heard that story before, several times. And the friend is embarrassed, you forgive, the friend shrugs heanother r shoulders at that particular trait, and says, "When I start in again, please stop me before I torture you. PLEASE!"
There is exercise in roleplay that I have found useful; it is called "__________ On My Shoulder" It is 2:00PM, I am booked until 5:30PM, and I want nothing more than to go home and crawl into a hot bathtub. I put Dr. Marcus Welby on my shoulder, and say what he tells me to say until I have made it through what I need to do--and I do it in order to give the patient what they need that day.
Or a classic example: It was fourth year of medical school and I had my first ever final in Advanced Cardiac Life Support with the guy who invented CPR. It was going to be Anxiety City! I put on my cowboy boots, put John Wayne on my shoulder, and I went on to tell Dr. Copass exactly how to perform pericardiocentesis after the twelve people in front of me have failed to resuscitate this particular manikin and the monitor shows a normal sinus rhythm, but no pulse. THIS is the use that Linda Franklin has in mind.
So glad I studied theater in high school, so glad that I am not an ER doctor, and so glad that, the next time, I could do it in flats. Shoes make all the difference.
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