"I" is for Imagination - use this amazing tool to figure out what you want
"C" is for Choice - this determines the quality of your life - choose wisely
"R" is for Role Play - fake it until you make it - copy others who have what you want - it works
"E" is for Education - learn to replace old habits with new behaviors
"A" is for Action - conquering the fear - getting off the fence and doing it
"T" is for Time Out - fun is essential - decide what makes you happy and make time for it
"E" is for Endurance - live today as if your dreams have already come true - don't fall into the why hasn't it happened yet trap and give up prematurely
Imagination always reminds me of the Disney World exhibit where the crazy professor has the purple dragon, "Figment" I often would tell my nurses when I came in to work on charts on days off, I am wearing purple and my name is Figment. I threatened to get one to put outside my door--or perhaps a sweatshirt to wear on such days, or t-shirt. That clinic had horrible heating system so I had to dress warm, most are better.
As a fantasy/sci fi/mythology addict, literally, I use fantasy novels to escape from the stresses of life. There is one series I have read close to 30 times. It is a strength thing. I go there, imagine myself as the rider of a queen dragon managing the community and fighting thread--and I come back much more confident in my abilities in the real world. These novels got me through medical school quite literally. One is focused on a dragon healer and queen rider, Moreta, one of my favorite characters. When I felt unworthy, I became Moreta for awhile, and then I was a beautiful, desirable woman. Because she was also a healer and loved animals first, I could easily put myself in her shoes--and the elderly Queen rider, Leri, reminded me of the mother of my former major relationship--with Captain Bly, as my father named him. I shortened it to CB, and teased him about being like a friend's bull, Cuddles the Bull. They had the same forelock, and he was a Taurus. He preferred Captain Bly...But I had a great relationship with his mom. She taught me a lot. We had our differences, and we could be honest with each other about them. That is really what loving is. If one makes a marriage, one must take the extra step of choosing to make a life with that person, and the people whom they love. We did better at the latter than the former...Well, I did, but I have the more judgmental and controlling family, as you can see.
So back to imagination. This is the time of year that we let our imaginations go on who we could become. What is the best you can be? Yesterday was Navy, today we'll do Army. For some the military is a way to strengthen their character. It requires a certain amount of narcissism to survive it, and it is best for knocking down that overwhelming "id" and teaching us discipline. Two types of people don't do well there--one is the one with extremely strong narcissistic personality, and one is that one who has little or no narcissism--the hazing is just too harsh for the latter. The former cannot accept the discipline--and often wind up in Special Forces if they are able to stay in. CB had trained with the Navy Seals as part of the Air Forces Underwater Demolition Team--he was an incredible snorkeling coach, would hold your hand as you quaked in the sea, and could free dive to 90 feet! He just always fought with the owner of the boat in some way...I managed to lose my glasses in the first port on the trip where I met him, a small bay in the Virgin Islands. We were in 20' of water, on a 100' anchor line proscribing an arc through the water, and I was too nearsighted to give him a landmark. He searched for an hour,and darn near lost his knife. I thought it was kindness, but it was really narcissism, to prove how good he was at diving. Everyone else saw that, I didn't, amazing what imagination can tell you when you don't want to face the truth.
So there is good and bad imagination. The first allows us to envision our dreams, hopes, possibilities. The second allows us to ignore and rationalize that which we don't want to see. How do we tell the difference? In my experience, we don't until we get hit by the 2X4 over the head with reality. One day, after suffering enough of these blows, we find ourselves recognizing reality. It's what Freud called the resolution of the Oedipus or Electra complex and believed that there was a biological equivalent in the brain. I think that there is a modulation pathway that develops in the brain that allows us to think in this way. Freud said age three--I think that under optimal conditions it could happen as early as age three. More commonly, it happens as we get older. Of course, the older we get, the harder it is to grow new pathways--decreased plasticity is the scientific term. So some of us never do complete the process. We are in actuality infants and toddlers in adult bodies.
For me this occurred about a month before my 45th birthday, and was accompanied by a prescribed overdose of amphetamine salts which caused me to actually become psychotic in the following four weeks. This is because I also have bipolar disorder. The ability to live in fantasy allowed me to keep from becoming manic, as I would escape or misbehave which allowed me to release that tension. Imagine two year olds... Then I crossed the threshold and started facing reality. A mere two years later, my mother died. I was faced with the emotional equivalent of being a five(?) year old losing her mother, with the intellectual knowledge of a doctor that revealed the medical truths. It was not an easy transition of power--for all of us absorb the power of our parent when they die.
I had lost my father at age 21, when he had a hemorrhagic stroke and was never the same man. I held it together emotionally for my mother at the time, but paid for that in years of not being able to face the reality of his stroke. It hit me equally hard when he had the second one and his doctor wanted to put in a feeding tube, evoking pictures of patients with little mental function alive, but not living. I screeched "NO!" into the phone at my poor mother--then stopped and said, "I'm sorry, Mom, that was the daughter talking. Let me get into doctor mode and give you my best answer."
I only recently have gotten onto good medication for my bipolar. My father also had it, and I believe that there is a genetic basis for it in his family. Maybe even related to the fact that he had only one kidney which was the root of his death. Amazing how the Arthurian legend moral of each man planting the seed of his own death is acted out in reality. I know in my heart that I am ready to face the world, having sorted through the chaff, and extracted the wheat. Humm, my favorite play place as a child was the parked combines on the wheat ranch. Winter wheat is my symbol for love--amazing synergy. See---Jung was right, too.
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